My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
