pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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