too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Randomize
