He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
