Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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