the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
