God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Sorry my hands just texted you
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Randomize
