God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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