Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
