So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
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