I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Randomize
