your thong is hanging out like whoa
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
