So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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