Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Randomize
