So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
