you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
