i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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