it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
please come you make the beer taste better
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
