I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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