How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
