I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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