i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
