Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
I think im going to throw up on grandma
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
