I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
