Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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