He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
