I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
