she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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