Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
