I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
