So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize