My hand turned me down
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
