I think my vagina is haunted
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Randomize
