Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
