I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
