We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Randomize
