just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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