sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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