I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
