yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
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