Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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