Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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