I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
