chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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