Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
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