dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Randomize
