I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
