I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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