checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
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