you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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