We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
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