At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
