God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Randomize
